


Actual Reality

by flibbertygigget



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Rent - Larson
Genre: A Tiny Bit Meta, Activism, Gen, HIV/AIDS, M/M, bisexual jason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 05:44:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18067673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flibbertygigget/pseuds/flibbertygigget
Summary: In which Benny gets lectured, Mark gets annoyed, and Jason rants about praxis.





	Actual Reality

“Steve.”

“Gordon.”

“Ali.”

“Pam.”

“Sue.”

“Hi, I'm Angel.”

“Tom. Collins.”

“I’m Paul. And I see we have a couple new faces this week.” Paul, who must be the one leading the meeting, looks at Mark and, surprisingly, a curly-haired kid who’s sitting there, cool as a cucumber.

“Oh - I'm not-” Mark stutters. “I'm just here to - I don't have - I'm here with-”

“My name’s Jason,” the curly-haired kid says, saving Mark from even more embarrassment. “Full disclosure, I’m not HIV+. My boyfriend is, though. I’m just here hoping to learn how to support Ryan better.” Paul gives the kid, Jason, a respectful nod and a gentle smile.

“And you?” he says.

“Um, Mark. I'm Mark.” He doesn’t know whether to gesture toward his camera or hold out his hand or what. “Well, this is... quite an operation.”

“Sit down, Mark. We’ll continue the affirmation.” Mark sits down in the only open chair, right next to the Jason kid. The whole circle links hands. Some of the participants close their eyes as though in prayer.

 _There’s only us  
_ _There’s only this  
_ _Forget regret_  
Or life is yours to miss

“Excuse me Paul,” one of the guys says. “I'm having a problem with this - this credo. My T-cells are low. I regret that news, okay?” He looks around the circle like he’s expecting someone to fight him. “Okay?”

“That sucks, man,” Jason says. Mark cringes, wondering what will happen, but to his surprise there isn’t any blowback. The others in the circle seem to be taking Jason’s interruption into stride. Paul nods thoughtfully, and the guy who spoke lets out an unexpected bark of laughter.

“You said it, kid.”

“Feeling alright?”

“Best I have all year.” The guy blinks, and then he snorts as though he’s just realized what he’s said. “Best I have all goddamn year.”

“Then why choose fear, Gordon?” Paul says. Gordon shakes his head.

“I’m a New Yorker,” he says ruefully. “Look, I’m trying. I really am. I might find some of what you teach suspect, but… hey, reason says I should’ve died three years ago.”

“I can drink to that,” Jason says. Gordon raises one of his linked hands in a parody of a toast, causing the man drawn along with him to laugh.

“Let’s continue,” Paul says.

 _No other road  
_ _No other way_  
No day but today

After the affirmation, the circle seems to break into casual conversation. Angel and one of the women swap sewing tips while an older man talks about his great-nephew being born. One of the people asks Mark what he’s doing there, but when he mentions his film the group seems to sour. Things really get going, though, when Gordon turns the attention to Jason.

“So, you said you have a boyfriend?” he says. Jason gets the sappiest look Mark thinks he’s ever seen.

“Yeah. Ryan. He’s amazing.”

“How’d you meet?”

“Well, long story short, I’ve been involved with AIDS activism for a while. In 1985, I was helping refer people to doctors who were willing to send in the ELISA tests, and I saw this completely gorgeous guy. It was lust at first sight.” Laughter ripples around the circle. “Of course, he was four years older than me - and I was sixteen, so that _mattered_ , you know. But his test came back positive, and he ended up running in the same circles as me. We’ve been together for a year now.”

“Why would a kid like you want to do activism?” another guy pipes in, sounding suspicious. Jason’s sappy look is gone in an instant.

“My dad’s boyfriend died back when it was still called GRID. And then my dad died, like, a month before the ELISA test came out - I remember because that was part of the reason I became even more involved than usual. I mostly do things on the ground - delivering pamphlets, helping run protests, you know. It’s not much, but,” Jason shrugs, “you gotta do what you can with what you’ve got, I suppose.”

“I agree,” Gordon says.

“Speaking of doing shit,” Jason says, “I’m involved with ACT UP, and we’re always looking for people to help out. Hell, tomorrow we’re doing a phone zap to try and get the Times to step up their AIDS reporting. If anyone’s interested, I know all the things we’ve got planned.” It turns out that a few of the people at Life Support are already involved, and they immediately start talking about a recent protest that got over a hundred people arrested - including, as it turns out, Jason. Mark feels awkward and a little left out, but Collins seems to be into it. In fact, when the meeting breaks up and people start leaving, Collins goes right over to Jason. Not knowing what else to do, Mark follows him.

“... appreciate it if you could get me in the loop,” Collins is saying. “I got fired from MIT for teaching my theory of actual reality.” Jason raises an eyebrow. “Actual reality. ACT UP.” Jason laughs.

“No problemo,” he says. “What side of things are you most interested in? Organizing? Education?”

“Collins, we gotta go if we want to make it to Maureen’s show,” Mark says. He doesn’t know why, but something about Jason rubs him the wrong way. Maybe it’s the way he seems so cool and self-assured. Maybe it’s the way he swanned in and was instantly accepted by everyone, while Mark still seems to be on the outside.

“In a minute, Mark.”

“Oh, no, I don’t want to keep you,” Jason says. He takes out a small notepad and pencil from the pocket of his coat and scribbles down something. “Here’s ACT UP’s number and address. Call them. They’re always happy to have people to help out.”

“I will,” Collins says. “Hey, Jason, if you aren’t doing anything, you could come to Maureen’s show with us.”

“What’s she in?”

“It’s, uh…”

“It’s a performance piece,” Mark says, “protesting the clearing of a tent city.” Jason nods thoughtfully.

“I’ll need to call Ryan,” he says, “but if he’s okay with it…”

“There’s a phone in the front office,” Paul says, having apparently been eavesdropping. Jason grins at him gratefully.

“Thanks,” he says. “Normally I’d just go, but Ryan’s been pretty up and down lately.”

“That sounds difficult,” Paul says.

“Don’t go all psychiatrist on me. I get enough of that from my stepdad,” Jason says with a laugh. “And yeah, it’s tough. Worth it, though.”

“Hey, even if Ryan isn’t feeling up to standing in the cold for an hour, you should ask him to meet us at the Life Café afterwards,” Collins says. Mark almost grinds his teeth in annoyance.

“I’ll do that,” Jason says. “I’ll just be a minute.” He disappears into the front office, and Mark, Angel, Collins, and Paul lasp into an awkward silence. Faintly, Mark catches snatches of Jason’s conversation with his boyfriend - “how are you feeling” and “not long, I don’t think” and “love you.” True to his word, Jason emerges quickly.

“Well?” Collins says. Jason grins.

“I’ll come with you guys,” he says. “Ryan says that he’ll join us at that café if he doesn’t drop off before then.”

“Awesome,” Collins says. Mark grumbles under his breath, and Angel steps on his foot with one of her killer heels.

* * *

They’re rowdy coming into the Life Café, joking and laughing and congratulating Maureen on her performance. Jason’s still there, much to Mark’s annoyance, smiling along to some story that Joanne’s telling him. He seems to be slotting right into Mark’s tight-knit friend group, and it’s galling.

“No, no, no. Not tonight. We can’t have a scene,” says the waiter, stopping them near the door.

“What?” Mark says.

“I’m very sorry - Important customer-”

“What am I, just a blur?” Mark snarls. The waiter looks like he’s about to argue further, but that’s when Benny comes through the door, a couple men in suits following him. “Oh, fuck no.”

“Benjamin Coffin III? Here?” Maureen says. “And here I thought that Avenue A was too much of a slum for the likes of you.”

“Charming as ever, Maureen,” Benny says. He has on his smarmy businessman smile. “Tell me, how went your noble try? Was the yuppie scum stomped? Not counting the homeless, how many tickets weren’t comped?”

“Go to hell!” Benny snorts.

“You make fun, yet I’m the one attempting to do some good here,” he says. He turns to the men in suits. “I mean, think about it. Do you really want a neighborhood where people piss on your stoop every night? Or would you rather have a safe Village, a revitalized Village?” Mark’s about to begin rehashing their old arguments, but then Jason unexpectedly butts in.

“That’s all very good,” Jason says. Benny looks surprised.

“I’m glad you agree...”

“Jason. The name’s Jason. And that’s all very good, but you have to examine your praxis.”

“Praxis?”

“Praxis,” Jason says, getting visibly fired up now, “is action, as opposed to theory. Your revitalization effort - that’s praxis. Maureen’s performance - that’s praxis. But liberation cannot be effected without the theory, the reflection. That is how you figure out if your attempts to do good are actually doing good. What’s your pitch?”

“An internet café. As the first step.”

“Very hip. Very modern. And it’s also a proposition that has a chance to do a lot of real good in the world. But you have to be carefully taught. You have to question - Who is this going to be serving? How does this give a middle finger to the oppressors? For example, you could offer a certain amount of free internet time, which would in turn allow those who can’t afford it to job search in a way they wouldn’t be able to otherwise. You could use existing infrastructure to ensure the minimum amount of disruption and displacement. You could set up needle-exchanges and mini food pantries and other essential services-”

“I was just planning on opening an internet café, actually.”

“See, that’s why praxis _needs_ to be examined. Because if you don’t look into the needs of the community in which you’re working, you run the risk of being a force of gentrification rather than liberation. You said you wanted to do some good?”

“Of course,” Benny says defensively.

“Then _do good_. Make sure that you’re actually addressing the injustices and problems, rather than shoving them under the rug-” A tall redhead hugs Jason from behind and kisses his head. Jason looks up and grins. “Ryan!”

“Hey, babe,” Ryan says. “I got you and your new friends a table. Done assaulting this guy with your praxis rants?”

“Have you eaten since breakfast?” Ryan scowls.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Alright. I’ll just bully you into it, then.” Jason looks back at Benny. “Sorry. Duty calls.” He and his boyfriend walk over to the booth in the back of the café, gesturing for the other people in their group to follow them.

“God, what a prick,” Mark says.

“I would’ve thought that you’d like him,” Benny says. Mark looks at his friend - ex-friend? - like he’s gone nuts.

“Why? He’s a pretentious, stuck-up, naive-”

“So are you.” Mark glares at him, and Benny smirks. “You’re just mad that he was the first one to use the word praxis in one of our arguments.”

“Go wine and dine your suits.”

“I will,” Benny says. “But I’ll also keep that kid’s warnings in mind. He might be pretentious, but he’s right.” Mark rolls his eyes. “I _do_ want to do some good, Mark, no matter what you want to believe about me. There’s more than one way to save the world.” From the booth a chant starts to rise: _Health Care is a right! Health Care is a right!_ Benny looks back and shakes his head. “You might want to do your own self-examination.”

“What do you mean?” Mark snaps, clutching his camera bag to him.

“You should figure out what you’re doing: showing actual reality or jerking off.” Another chant: _ACT UP! ACT UP! ACT UP!_ “Just a thought.”

“Fine,” Mark grumbles. “Fine, I’ll worship the asshole with the rest of you.”

“We’re not worshipping him,” Benny says. “We’re recognizing the some people have more answers than we do.” Mark thinks about what Jason said during the Life Support meeting, about fathers and boyfriends and GRID and AIDS.

“Fine,” he says again, but this time he means to mean it.


End file.
